The Obligatory Fuck You! A Guest Post By Jake Bannerman Author of The Pitchfork Diaries

Author Information:

Born and raised in the church, J.S. Bannerman has taken the dangerous stance to question events that have been spoon fed to him as the truth since his childhood. He continually pushes boundaries as a purveyor of terror and often strives to find that disquietude that exists inside each one of us.
He is a nomad, calling no one place home; choosing the life of a traveler while on the mission of writing the Family of Dog series. As a result you may find him in your town, writing at your local pub, crafting tales of horror so terrifyingly depraved and heartbreakingly cruel that you would never believe that they come from a mind as normal as his. Just beware, because within each tale is a message; it’s just up to you to figure out what it means.
The Pitchfork Diaries Synopsis:
The Pitchfork Diaries is a collection of short stories and prose unlike anything you have ever read before. Even the darkest and most violent imaginings of your mind cannot come close to matching the horrors contained within.
J.S. Bannerman, a new name in the horror genre, has skillfully woven a collection of tales that will inescapably work their way into your psyche, take up residence and relentlessly haunt you. Prepare yourself to be confronted by words that will threaten to shake the foundation of everything you thought you knew; no truth is too uncomfortable, no thought too gruesome to share.
All are invited to read The Pitchfork Diaries. Many will never be the same.
The Pitchfork Diaries: Volume One Links:
Amazon (right now just eBook but print should be up this week) –
Smashwords –
Jake can be followed on Twitter at –


The Scarecrow’s Lament

The man that was made of hay, broken tree limbs and abused human remains had only one foot, a partial arm, a brutally severed torso stitched roughly together with twine, and a gaping hole in the chest where the soft tissue of a now cannibalized heart had once lived. The scalp of the decapitated head had been sewn together from two pieces, one blond and one brown. A lamp sat in the corner of the barn upon an old wooden table, illuminating the phonograph player that sat next to it. Soft notes of music streamed from the large, curved horn atop the player, and as it filled the barn her young body swayed from side to side. She pranced around provocatively in her version of a murderous burlesque dance, perhaps imagining that she was, in her way, arousing and readying the butchered corpse.

The Obligatory fuck you

By J.S. Bannerman  

So, if you are familiar with me and my writing, you will know that I really have no problem sticking my middle finger in the face of any race, religion or authority figure, and I like it.
Today I want to take on those people who are here to help me – the media!
I have an awesome group of ladies whom I consider to be my family. They take care of my press for me, and hey hey hey, I fucking love it! They sell me all over the globe, and I tell them to use me like a golden dildo.
Now, being thrust into a world of people actually wanting to talk to me and know all about me has become a very interesting experiment.
Let me assure you this rant or pet peeve or what I call ‘psychotic fucking hatred’ is NOT directed at everyone involved, and certainly not my homeboy Will!
But you all know the way that you walk past the person on the street and you casually toss out the overused phrase – “How are ya?”
The truth is – you don’t care, you never cared, and you never will!
This is what the opening line in an interview is.
“Tell us about yourself.” C’mon, now, really?
Okay, here is my honest answer to that question. I am horny, depressed, angry, drinking Jack and coke and smoking cigarettes like a freight train, and to be honest I felt more sincerity from my ex-girlfriend telling me that she will always love me than I do for a second in your words that you actually care about me – oh, and I want to fuck your sister. Okay?
“Tell us who influenced your writing.”
 Let’s see; the Hustler and Swank catalog, ‘the Necronomicon’, ‘How to blow your load on your slut’s tits’ and ‘Martha Stewart’s guide to blow jobs’. Does it matter really? If my writing sucks, are you going to blame it on my influences? The answer is no, but I fucking guarantee that if it is great, it will only be because of my influences. It’s called having my own brain – read my books cum dumpster!
Here is one of my all-time favourites.
“Tell us about your upcoming release…”
You have GOT to be fucking kidding me, right?!
How about you tell ME about my upcoming release – we did supply you with a copy, right?
What I am trying to get to with this little nugget of rage is – do all of us a favour, and do not  let words come out of your mouth that make you look like a limp dick or that you do not care to hear.
It’s a lesson we ALL – including myself – need to work on.
Spend a few minutes with your flaps shut. Do something brand new and listen!
If you want the truth and you are dealing with me, you had better be fucking prepared for it, because my truth and your truth are most likely very different!
So, to end this; listen, I am a very easygoing guy who loves women, sports, beer and a good blowjob.
I write horror to take both of us on a journey. It is sick, repulsive and graphic, but do me a favor and tell me something I don’t know instead of everything I do, and expect the same from those around you!
Respect is earned on both sides of the fence. I want yours and I hope that you want mine!
P.S. If you buy my books you earn some respect!
In the shadow of the horns,

2 comments on “The Obligatory Fuck You! A Guest Post By Jake Bannerman Author of The Pitchfork Diaries

  1. No-one rants quite like Jake! Love it.

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