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Crazy Synopsis of My First Novel BANG. (****Spoilers*** proceed with caution)

***Okay this post contains spoilers to my first novel BANG!!! If you do not want it spoiled for you please do not continue. If you do not care then go for it. 
History behind this: I was originally going to send this out to agents and publishers and I know I sent it to one, but they never responded. It reads like a warning label and a sales ad. Enjoy!

BANG is not a romance novel with beautiful people who fall in love at first sight, make love and experience dramatic events that may tear them away from their lovers embrace.  No, BANG has nothing to do with that. 
BANG has a handful of “low life” men and women in it who all are hiding a SECRET, but one event sets off a chain reaction that will shake the very foundation of their lives and bring each of their secrets to the surface.  Secrets soSHOCKING that your only response to them would be “Oh-my-God”.
Did I say this wasn’t a romance novel?
BANG has plot twists and plot turns as each character MANIPULATES to cover their tracks. Hmmmm…what could they be hiding to make them do this? How about maybe attempted MURDER!
Did I say MURDER?
No I said attempted MURDER. Yes that’s right you get a MYSTERY thrown in for free. That event I mentioned earlier comes in right at the beginning as TIM JONES is shot, but is discovered by his estranged wife SHELLEY JONES who hesitates in calling 9-1-1! That’s crazy why would she hesitate to call for help, she wasn’t the one who shot Tim—was she?
***CAUTION*** major DRAMA about to happen. And drama it is because from that moment on the story reveals that Shelley had been cheating on Tim with his b-f-f FRANK BUNN! And well Frank has become estranged from Shelley, who can’t seem to live without him. Frank becomes so estranged because; well Frank is one of them there loners, who practice the art of being alone. Yet he struggles with the idea of being with someone just like himself–literally. But Frank has a SHADY past (like you didn’t see that coming), which could mean he shot Tim only to run off for Shelley to find him and hoping she would get in trouble for it…hey that’s not nice. Hell they could both be in on it, but you will have to read the book to find out (you didn’t think I was going to tell you did you?). 
Right now I am sure you’re wondering where is Tim’s family during this time of crisis, well here is his mother DINA JONES. She’s so sweet and wholesome. Imagine a beautiful older woman in her fifties, who plants flowers in the front and back yard, offers sound wise advice to all her family and friends—wait that’s not Dina.  Dina is a self-serving, wish she never had a kid, has sex with various men, goes to bars, drinks and smokes, seduces, manipulates and lies to get what she wants—kind of mother. Hey that’s not a mother I know…well she’s definitely not my mother. It’s like she is a descendant from high society roman women, who manipulated the people around them to get their husbands into high political positions. SCANDELOUS!
But what could this sweet mother have to do with Tim being shot—how about just ask her drug-dealer whom she owes money to, but wait! Get this she hired him to “take care of” her poor son Tim by saying she would double his pay…Geez that’s crazy. What mother would put a hit out on her son? Well Dina, of course.
***HANDLE WITH CARE*** this section of the letter may contain romantic elements that may disturb you. But I repeat this is not a romance novel, I promise.
At this point you must be asking “who loves Tim?” Well I have an answer. 
But first a word from Shelley:
               “I have to say a few things before Will can continue with this creative synopsis of our story.  First of all I didn’t buy the gun that shot my husband.  It was given to me from my father who died.  My father asked me to use the gun to kill Tim for what he did to my mother a few years earlier. Did, Will, not mention that Tim hit her with the car while I was in the hospital recovering from a miscarriage? How could Will leave that out? Anyways, I just have to say I didn’t try to kill Tim, but I would have done it to be free from that (beep) piece of (beep)! I should have done it when he told me he had sex with my sister and got her pregnant! That (beep)…”
Whoa, hold on Shelley, you’re giving away too much. Back to this letter and I apologize for that. She has a dirty mouth like the others.
Anyways, Tim does have a love interest and she comes in the form of his therapist, DR. BLAIR HOPKING. Nice name huh? Blair loves Tim and Tim loves Tim—I mean Blair. Blair will do anything she can for Tim to help him not remember who shot him—but wait isn’t she suppose to do the opposite? If you think that’s weird try her method of therapy—SEX.  Blair jumps in fast seducing Tim into a sexual relationship so she can distract him from everything going on with him. Hmmmm that’s fishy. I wonder how much she charges.
Also I have to tell you that Blair is hiding a deep dark secret of her own.  Did you want me to tell you? Okay here it is she is actually Shelley’s little sisterCLAIRE NEWMAN (dah dah)!!  Claire ran away the night she tried to convince Tim to run off with her so they could have the baby together and leave Shelley high and dry, but Tim, being the good man he is said “No”.  Good for you Tim, well not so good because well someone shot him sometime later.  Go figure.  That’s when Claire met Frank and well all this mess happened later on and well you get the picture.  Well we know Claire holds a grudge.  I suggest we stay out of her way…what do you think? 
How did she become Dr. Blair Hopking and no one recognize her?  Good question…AMNESIA! Yep, that’s right. After Tim’s almost fatal attack, the result of which caused him to forget that night he was shot.  Certainly bits and pieces exist, but the one person who shot him was wiped clean from him brain. Claire being one of the people he lost during that night he was shot. So there was no way he could remember her.  So that’s how she manages to hide and avoid police suspicion—damn she’s good at what she does.
Okay so I lied about the romantic elements a little. But BANG does offer you so much more. It gives you a marriage on the rocks, cheating spouses, lies, backstabbing, manipulations, murder and the most important SEX.
You may ask yourself now if this book is worth reading and as the author I have to say yes, but I leave it up to you. I will say that BANG will blow you away. With its soap opera like quality and its gritty down to earth ways, hmmm what do you think about when I say “gritty down to earth”? Filth, dirty people with bad haircuts and bad attitudes, well that may be the darker side of the novel then. But I will add that it should be a very entertaining read none-the-less, regardless of this books trashy ways! Geez.
Pick up your copy today!! Oh wait it’s not out yet, but Shelley, Tim, Blair (*cough* Claire), Frank, Dina and I certainly hope you make that happen for us. Feel free though to consider us—I mean me, sorry—for publication. 🙂
***CONTACT A PROFESSIONAL FOR HELP*** due to the explicit and trashy nature of this hard-boiled suspense novel you may need to bring a few friends along to read it with you! So you may discuss all the drama and noir suspense you just experienced. It helps to talk about it, unless you’re Dr. Blair Hopking. *Slap* (ouch that stings).
P.S. This book also is not a satire, comedy or children’s book.
This book is ***Rated-GR*** for GREAT READ! It’s a dramatic work of hard-boiled noir fiction with elements of suspense/mystery. It has graphic scenes of sex and some graphic violence.  Overall, it will tantalize you and overwhelm your senses by giving you a dose of drama that’s recommended by most doctors. Enjoy!

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