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New Journeys

About 4 years ago I started down a journey. I self-published my first book. I was extremely excited that I did this. I actually can’t describe the exact emotion, but there were many. I’m five books into my journey- all self-published and doing well. Not amazing, but well. What followed were two more books, The House of Balestrom and Time of the Season.

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I was looking back today because August will be 3 years for my second self-published novel, The House of Balestrom. I am excited about this book, because it represents so much for me. My thoughts on life and death. My mother, who passed away just shy of her 50th birthday (if you read the book you know that the men of the Balestrom family never live to see 50 years old). My fascination with religion and the paranormal. But my overall my extreme realist point of view that everything has an explanation behind it, and it is only a matter of time for that mystery to be solved. 

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I found an interested agent about a year and a half ago. She really liked House of Balestrom, but wanted me to work on it a bit more. I immediately started to do this. Then like a curve ball, life threw a harsh one at me. I became sick and it over took my determination to get the job done. Believe me I would have worked my body to death to finish (and to think back on it, I was probably close to death.) I’m not being dramatic, just telling the truth.

I had to get myself back together and that is no easy task. My life flipped upside down and I had to rethink how I did things. How I lived and how I saw myself. My body and mind changed. I was in a very dark place. Though you wouldn’t know it, because I learned a long time ago how to hide things. I still struggle with a lot of new things–hitting me all at once. 

But I took the steps I needed. I took it slow and worked on my writing when I could. I wrote another book, Nine to Dine. I finished another one, Sirens. All while I did new edits for House of Balestrom. Now I am almost done with those edits. I feel so much better and I am trying to take care of myself along the way.

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I learned that it isn’t when you finish, but going back to complete it. I might have five books self-published, two books not published (Sirens and Return to the House of Balestrom) and one day traditionally published books in the future. I just have to keep working on it.

In the light of seeing how I needed to change myself, I revamped my writing. I pulled back some of my old ways of presenting a situation in my work and taught myself how to say it differently. I found it effective. I read a lot, during my recuperation and wondered what set these other authors apart from me. I figured that it wasn’t much, it was just their time.

I can’t say I’m not a published author or novelist, because I am. I’ve been published since 2010. I write all the time. I created a product and bravely presented it to the world. I like what I write and see that others like it too. I don’t worry about criticism, because well, it’s going to happen and so what. 

But I am happy that I never stopped. I slowed down, but never stopped–no matter how thick the cloud got around my head and I couldn’t focus on what was in front of me. I feel now–more than ever–that I have moved through it. I am on top of my game and I can’t wait to see where it takes me. 

 

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Cul-de-Sac #onceisenough #catherinewallace the true path to liberating yourself from the past is to know your limits and open yourself up to new experiences. But be careful–with new experiences come new toxins. Be right. Be open. Be thoughtful. #wisdom #amwriting #fiction #literaryfiction

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Empty By William Butler

Another one:

Empty

By William Butler

I can’t seem to sleep at night when you lay empty on your bedside.

My hand can only trace your figure through my memory/and my emotions bend to the lingering echo of your voice.

I try to fight you/but all along I desire to invite you back into my life.
I soon become angry with myself for entertaining this fake heart felt moment between mirror and soul.

It’s painful to choose to change or remain empty of your love.

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Jazz Music By William Butler

Another poem I wrote in 2000.

Jazz Music

By William Butler

I watch you from a distance.
Triggered by my heartache song
And you have to remember me.
And you have to remember when…

When being the key word in this game.
Trace back/back/deeper into a memory long past.
Where cave men wrote jazz songs with coal rocks on stone tablets.
When voices were grunts and love was a pain delivered by a blow to the head.

Do you remember me now?

I can tell/see it in the trembling of your strong hands.
My eyes take a snap shot of the way you wear your hair/casually loose with a part down one side.
Your eyes look away/searching for an excuse to leave.
To avoid the sound my jazz music makes.

Don’t worry I’m not here to lure you back.
I’m not here to gloat or attack.
I want to look at you/see how you’re doing.
I want to know if, after everything, it was worth the time we shared.

I see it’s time to part ways.
We can move on/because closure is a prize earned by lovers.
No bitter kiss good-bye.
No jazz song to sing of the pain we held onto for so long.
Because pain is poison and memory is the heated rush of death.

You remember me. Now I can let you go.

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A Poem I Wrote

I wrote this when I lived in NY. Going through the past brings up painful memories.

Will You Look at Me

Hey, will you look at me
I called to you and you looked away
That was a mistake
What are you–ashamed?
Am I moving up/out/around in circles?
I need to know.

Don’t stare too long in the dark
Your eyes may adjust but
You’re still blind
I have light inside me
I watched as you tried to put me out
I’m rising now
I’m standing on my two feet
I’m marching out

Look at me/See my face
You want to know me
But you can’t reach far enough to care
I took my place by your side
– Your smile was deception
I placed my warm hands to calm your demons
-Your words were never right
I stored your secrets away like treasures lost at sea
– You lied-lied-lied
And all I got from you was shame

Don’t get me wrong
I don’t need your heart
I don’t need your approval
I just want your truth
But this bullshit is an obstacle
It pulls you down roads and scares you with lies

Hello, will you look at me

By William Butler

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NFL- Drop lawsuit against Social Rapper M.I.A.

change.org

The NFL is suing social rapper M.I.A. for 1.5 million dollars for sticking the middle finger up during the 2012 Super Bowl Half-Time performance where it was flashed on screen for no longer than 2-seconds. M.I.A. didn’t get even 2 minutes of screen time because the show was being performed by pop superstar, Madonna. According to a ESPN article, 222 viewers complained of the 111.3 million people who watched the 2012 Super Bowl. This is compared to the 500,000 thousand people who complain about Janet Jackson’s “nip slip” in 2004. Not only are the NFL asking her to pay 1.5 million dollars they are now demanding she pay 15.1 million dollars. This is unfair treatment to an artist. During the time the half time show started, Madonna, M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj brought 3 million more in viewership, making it the most watch television event in history until 2014’s half time show brough in 115 million people. The use of the middle finger can’t be compared to some of the sexual commercials we see on television today or the violence seen in most mainstream television shows. There are commercials airing on television for liquid drainer that has a pair of men telling a female that they are their to “drain her pipes.” If we are going to attack one person over an act that doesn’t do as much damage to a child’s psyche as “Rich Kids of LA” or Janet Jackson’s nipple then where do our morals exist?

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Google Prepares For A Future Where We See Ourselves In Every Computing Interaction

willbutler37:

Very interesting.

Originally posted on TechCrunch:

Google seems to have paid at least $500 million to acquire DeepMind, an artificial intelligence startup that has a number of high-profile investors, and that has demoed tech which shows computers playing video games in ways very similar to human players. Facebook reportedly also tried to buy the company, and the question on most people’s minds is “Why?”

More intelligent computing means more insightful data gathering and analysis, of course. Any old computer can collect information, and even do some basic analytics work in terms of comparing and contrasting it to other sets of data, drawing simple conclusions where causal or correlational factors are plainly obvious. But it still takes human analysts to make meaning from all that data, and to select the significant information from the huge, indiscriminate firehose of consumer data that comes in every day.

AI and machine learning expertise can help improve the efficiency and…

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